Black and White

Evil and Good

Hell and Heaven

Night and Day                

Tears and Smiles

Darkness and Light

Wrong and Right

Sorrow and Joy

Lies and Truth

Death and Life

What I’ve done is who I am. But what I’ve done is not who I will be.

Whatever.

Found my soundtrack for tonight. :)

Once When I Was Little - James Morrison

So here comes the next one, next in line
Stay as young you can, for the longest time
‘Cause those days flew by
Like a breeze just passing through
Once when I was little

There will always be something that will fill the missing part in your heart.  Some people just want to feel beautiful.  Some want to have someone to love. Some want to be someone.  Some want their questions answered.  Some want to see the world.  While some just want to come home.

Right now, I just want to tell myself that things will get better.  I want to tell myself to believe in that. And to believe in myself too… in what I can do, and in what I can become.  I want to tell myself that even though it feels like I am at the worst version of myself right now, I can find the best of what I am because of it. I want to tell myself to keep dreaming. To keep believing. To never lose hope. To keep the faith. To continue praying because He never fails to be there. To hold on because there’s so much to hold on to. And life is beautiful despite of all the mess and all the chaos. After a while, things will get better. They do.  Yes, self. Someday, you’ll get that missing part in your heart.

-C

endings and all that.

Why does a happy ending always have to be “you and I truly love each other and we are together forever until our hair turn gray and then we die and share the same grave”?

Can’t it be “you and I truly loved each other but we knew we couldn’t really be together and it’s better for us to be apart” or “you and I truly loved each other, and then let’s not be together anymore because, let’s admit it, you can be a better person with another”?

Even the fairytales don’t really give us a happy ending. Sure, Prince Charming found Snow White and brought her back from the dead after she ate that stupid apple. Or Beast turned into a handsome prince after he and Beauty kissed. But what happened after the dream wedding in the castle? That’s only a part of a story. That does not give me a happy ending yet.

I’d still go for Romeo of the Montagues and Juliet of the Capulets. Or Odd Thomas and Stormy Llewelyn.  Two pairs of star-crossed lovers. Death has come early on. Sure it isn’t happy, that’s why they call it tragedy. But these stories give me THE happy endings. Forever is way out of the picture… but love, faith, anger, passion, sorrow, hope… it’s all in there. These are the things that make you feel alive. These are the things that make you human. And finding what makes you human, I believe, is a reason for you to be happy. It doesn’t matter if you lose someone or something somewhere along the way. God doesn’t give you something you can’t have; He gives you something to learn from. Something you can carry with you to eternity. It doesn’t matter how much you lose. What matters is how much you love. How much faith you have. How much you learned.  And how passionate you are in living your life. That, for me, is a happy ending.

Can’t Go Back Now - The Weepies
But you and me walk on
Cause you can’t go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be, 
If you ever turn around, you’ll see me.

There are times when I feel so scared. So frightened to face everything because everything feels like it’s coming all at once and I’m gonna drown in it. Like it’s gonna leave me broken, lost and devastated. Like it’s gonna leave me all alone in the darkness. I do not have the courage to go on. And no matter how many times I say to myself that I can do it, that I am strong and that I can be anything I want to be… I am just so afraid. And this is one of those times.

And then someone comes and sings a simple song.  And it’s good to know that someone knows the words that my heart needs to hear. And somewhere in the music I found the light flickering in the darkness. The courage to fight back. The will to fly and soar. I will walk on. 

Thank you, my someone, Superman. Yeah, you and me, walk on.

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn’t I, my dear? Didn’t I, my… dear?


________________________________________

I sing this to my self tonight. *sigh*